Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
