Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
