i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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