He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
