So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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