So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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