An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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