After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
