so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
