So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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