Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
