In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
