Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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