no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think a kid would responsible me up
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize