Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
