Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
