Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
