I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize