vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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