I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize