I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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