You just made me feel so damn special
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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