Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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