It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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