i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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