we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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