In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
