I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
