first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
