I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
