I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
