i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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