What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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