We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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