I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
