she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
