Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
