also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize