i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
