he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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