do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
