We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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