I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
