im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
