Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
