Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
