youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
