did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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