dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
