Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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