taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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