its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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