come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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