i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
