They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm both gender and math confused
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
