Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
