apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
