Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
