You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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