the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
