saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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