You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
