chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i've created a new STD.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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