I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
