she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
