I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
