I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
