i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
