Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
