oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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