My hand turned me down
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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