I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
