There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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