Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
