Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
