Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
