capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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