The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
