Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
