So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
