Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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