Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
