yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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